Do it for yourself.

I read this recently in an interview with Natalie Portman. 

She said that while she was filming "Black Swan," her director, Darren Aronofsky had said to her during takes, "This one. Do this one for yourself.”

She said that by being asked by the person she was trying to please, to instead do what pleased her, it put her in her own body and made her the subject of her creation instead of the object.

Do it for yourself.

Radical.

What could that look like? (I’ve been asking myself.)

Write what you want to write about. Sing what you want to sing. Go where you want to go. Be who you want to be. Stop doing it for others. Do it for yourself.

Why does it feel radical?

It’s so deeply automatic to do it for the other.

It’s so automatic to do or say what you’re “supposed” to be doing or saying.

I’m supposed to do the things that people will expect of me. I’m supposed to do the things that will look good to others. The “right” things to talk about. The “right” songs to sing. 

Whose rules are those?

How do you “un”program yourself?

How do you know when you’re falling into the trap of pleasing others?

It takes a real calm and quiet to connect to the me that’s supposed to be running this show. 

It takes focus and listening to hear the quieter, subtler voice of wisdom.

Even now as I write. (Is this any good? What will others think? What should I write next?) 

Whose voice is that? What is my motivation?

When I sang earlier today, I was recording myself. I discovered in those recordings there is a part of me that is doing it for the other. The listener. 

What would it be like to record myself without “the other” in mind? What if I only did it for myself? How would my choices be different? How would they be motivated differently?  Could I shift from being controlled by the imaginary audience member to freely giving in to me? 

What can happen when I listen to myself beyond the "practice room"?

Radical empathy comes to mind.

What if I could hear my own needs, wants and desires so deeply? 

What if that came first?

The word selfish comes to mind.

How dare you.

How dare you consider yourself first before others. 

The word brave comes to mind.

How brave and courageous to put the oxygen mask on yourself first.

How truly loving and wise. You do that so you can give even more. 

That’s the irony, right?

By doing what seems selfish we are able to give more to others.

By taking yourself into consideration first there is More Love. More Creativity. More Joy. More Life Force.

As an exercise, when I was singing, I tried to do a take just for myself. 

I felt incredibly free. And I felt incredibly centered.  And calm. And at peace.

I was truly in the moment.

And I felt incredibly happy. 

And then I made dinner for my beautiful family.

What are you doing for you? Send me message on instagram or through my contact page! I'd love to hear from you!