Unsure how singing fits into your life? PART 2

When my dad died in 2014, the loss sideswiped me. The grief became lodged in my throat. I literally felt like I couldn’t sing. 

I couldn’t believe how deeply it affected my ability to make sound.

It felt like I was choking.

I remember being in a recording studio, my body shaking, feeling powerless to the force I had no control over.

I was blocked.

I’ve heard this over and over from other singers.

How grief affects their voices.

Around the same time I was also making a career transition.

I didn’t want to be performing full time anymore, I felt my talents were better served elsewhere. It just wasn’t clear yet how and where.

I was grieving the loss of an identity.

It took me a year to find my voice again.

And even then it didn’t feel good.

It felt hard.

It felt like I was trying to recreate what had been.

I was trying to summon a voice, a time, a period that I was actively trying to move on from. 

It was confusing.

I was wrestling with some big questions:

What does singing mean to me?

How does this fit into my life currently?

What do I WANT to be singing, now that I’m not auditioning?

Who am I if I’m not trying to book the next gig?

How do I want to express myself creatively?

How would this appear to others?

I wish I could say it didn’t matter what others thought.

Yes, there was an identity crisis in there.

A label to take off and look at.

Examine.

In doing so I suddenly began to see the possibilities.

The grieving period was real, intense and lengthy.

But then, when I was ready, I began to see the possibilities of discovery, authenticity, and empowerment; hope, excitement, and feelings of peace began to emerge.

This was a journey I would be undertaking on my own, with no one dictating the rules or the direction.

I zeroed in on Possibility!

I started sharing little videos on social media of songs that I loved. No consideration for what I sang other than I LOVED IT and it felt good in MY voice. 

I wasn’t trying to turn it into anything beyond what I felt like doing in the moment.

There wasn’t a strategy. I didn’t plan it beyond sitting down at the piano and singing what I felt like singing that day.

It was so liberating.

I rediscovered my love for singing and tapped into the joy, and found healing.

This is what is possible when you face a fork in the road.

Uncertainty is unsettling, disorienting, and scary.

BUT.

It’s also an invitation.

If you are at a crossroads right now with your voice or maybe something else in your life and are feeling the weight of it, take the time to grieve the loss you are experiencing. Feel it.

And then take tiny steps forward. Small steps. That’s all. No agenda yet.

Be led by your intuition.

Trust that inner whisper.

Start digging.

Honor your process.

Go slowly.

Discover your possibilities. 

P.S. If you want additional support, we have a whole community over in A Course in Joyful Singing working through these same questions, removing the blocks that stand in the way of joy. We are bringing the fun back into singing. 😃 Doors open again January 13, 2025. Join the waitlist HERE.