What's Your Parenting Style?

We all parent. Every one of us. We just don’t realize it.

There is a quiet, inner conversation going on all day long. When we say the wrong thing, look in the mirror, do something scary.

A student recently shared an account of how she was facing something that frightened her.

She was about to embark on an experience that caused her to start to panic and she began to freak out.

She was able, in the moment, in real time, to talk herself through it by speaking gently, and with love and compassion.

She said she just imagined how she would respond to a friend going through the same thing.

I was so moved by her honest account of what transpired.

It took courage and so much love for herself.

It’s so easy in that moment to do the opposite. To talk to yourself impatiently.

It’s a knee jerk reaction to beat ourselves up, to speak to ourselves with judgement.

And by the way, it can be so subtle, this other way of being.

That voice that is shaming can be very sneaky.

When I had Lyme disease at its worst 4 years ago all I could do was lay in bed.

There was no checking off the “to-do” list.

Who am I then? If I’m not being productive, can I love myself? Can I love myself while being a blob?

That voice produces feelings like shame, guilt, heaviness.

If we do the things it tells us to do and do it “correctly” or “successfully”, then (and only then) will we be worthy of this inner love.

This voice sets up conditions for when it gives that love.

It’s hard to see The Truth clearly through that lens.

The truth I realized as I was being a blob (not doing anything other than BEING and sitting with shame and guilt from being unable to help around the house or with anything) was that I was still worthy of love.

My husband still loved me.

My child still loved me.

My family still loved me.

My friends still loved me.

When stripped away from all the things our culture tells us is vital for being a thriving, lovable human, you are faced with the realization that only you can decide for yourself what makes you lovable.

I’m lovable because I AM. That’s it. Not for doing anything other then just existing.

Perhaps then I can show myself this same kind of generous, unconditional love on a day to day basis?

I could try speaking with genuine care, understanding and total compassion.

This voice inspires.

It encourages. It nurtures.

It is Unconditional.

I’m reading a book that encourages you to take up the work of loving yourself.

Yes, think of it as work.

Something to actively, keep coming back to every day.

A mantra it suggests to keep repeating throughout the day:

“I love myself.”

“I love myself.”

“I love myself.”

As you go about your day, can you be with yourself?

Can you hold yourself in love when you mess up?

Can you tend to the little you inside that no one but you can reach?

Cherish her.

Hold her.

Unconditionally.

What's your inner parenting style? Send me message on instagram or through my contact page! I'd love to hear from you!