Why can't we stay happy?

How many of you feel like if you just get the thing that’s missing from your life right now in this moment, *then* you can be happy.

“If I just get this job… if I meet the right partner….. If I get a good grade….. If I make a lot of money……or smaller stakes-if a buy the sweater”

It will fix the things that feel wrong in this moment.

It will really make you happy.

Ok, now think back to when you had a vision for your life, a goal, sometime in the past. Something you wanted… something you needed….

You pushed to make it happen. You triumphed!

It was so amazing!!!! You were so happy!!!

But then what happened? After you got used to the good news, used to this new thing in your life…… The high you were on disappeared. It went away.

You went back to the way you felt before.

You went to back to your baseline.

Why does this happen?

There is a very good reason. No matter what amazing thing happens in our lives, our brains are wired to return to our baseline of happiness. (Same holds true for when bad things happen.)

Apparently it’s really a thing that our brain does.

Hedonic Adaptation refers to the notion that after positive (or negative) events (i.e., something good or bad happening to someone), and a subsequent increase in positive (or negative) feelings, people return to a relatively stable, baseline level of affect (Diener, Lucas, & Scollon, 2006).

What does this mean for us when we don’t realize that our minds are built to get used to stuff?

We are being mislead by our brains.

Sometimes our strongest “intuitions” are totally wrong.  The intuition, the driving force behind getting the thing is driven by this need for greater happiness. A bigger high.

What do we do with the knowledge that no matter what amazing thing happens (even winning the lottery) we will inevitably return to our baseline?

Here are some strategies for dealing with Hedonic Adaptation that I learned about in the Science of Well Being Course taught by Dr. Lori Santos:

When thinking about happiness and how you are investing your resources- don’t invest in stuff in the first place (as a way to be happy). Instead, invest in experiences. Experiences like travel, vacations, museums, concerts, dinner with friends….

Our minds generally don’t compare experiences (like they do with “stuff”).

Here are some ideas on how to thwart adaptation that has already happened:

1. Practice gratitude.

2. Practice savoring. (Like really taste your food, your drink, etc)

3. Use negative visualization. (How could things be worse)

4. Remind yourself of what your life was like before you got the good thing.

5. Avoid social comparisons and try to intercept it when you catch yourself.

6. Interrupt your consumption, catch yourself when you can.

Our culture, our society is built on consumption. It’s easy to fall into the trap of needing the thing to be happy.

But when armed with the knowledge that our brains are wired in this way, we can make smarter choices when it comes to our happiness and contentment.

We can free ourselves from the cycle and make choices on purpose.

Do you have trouble staying happy? Send me message on instagram or through my contact page! I'd love to hear from you!